30 diciembre 2012

Consequences.


¿Sabes que es lo curioso de esto?

Que desde que rompimos, ya no me importa con quien me peleo, a quien le grito... con quien estoy bien o con quien estoy mal, ya no me importa quien se va o quien se queda...

Hago y digo cosas estúpidas...
... y me recuerdo que te dije que te fueras...
y recuerdo cuanto te amo y cuanto deseo que vuelvas...
...me vuelvo a recordar... que te dije que te fueras...

porque ya contigo o sin ti... ya no me importaban las cosas

Claro que esta trayendo consecuencias.

Pero no reacciono...



18 diciembre 2012

End.

Es que ya no me importa...

ya no me importa mucho todo...

Hace poco terminé con mi novio, me siento mejor. Pobre...

Naya me escribió justo cuando estaba en la segunda sesión de mi tatuaje, y curioso escuchaba "The Final" ...y se acabó, aún me duele en el alma, haber terminado todo esto con ella, pero ya no podía más, ya no podía más estar atada a ella, la amo aún, como la he amado siempre, pero ya no había más para ambas... ya no...

Bien, creo, que es muy mio el motivo por el cual me hice este tatuaje. Quedó un poco extraño por el diseño que saqué, pero... no lo sé, como que no me importa, es que me gusta mucho, lo amo y estoy muy orgullosa, le agradezco bastante a Moz por hacerlo, y por sus palabras de esa noche, lo haré, me daré mi lugar.






Me siento...abandonada, pero poco me importa que se queden, es como una enorme apatía a la "lealtad" de la gente. 

Me siento cansada... harta un poco... decepcionada bastante.

Estoy perdida y hundida entre sentimientos que no son míos, he olvidado mucho de mi y lo que yo era, me quiero de regreso. Al menos era yo, miserable pero yo... ahora no sé que soy yo, que partes de mi si son y que partes me han tomado. 




Perdóname Naya, te amo. 

Tu

mi ultima promesa

fuiste tu

y fue para ti...


30 octubre 2012

Rage Girl.

Yes, I'm angry, because she thinks I'll be here for her an eternity, and is true.

I saw born too many children. They are so little, so afraid... unprotected...

Why? Why? Why? (That's our word, Haku's and mine)

I'm so tired, so tired, I want to sleep and sleep and sleep... but it's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix.

I don't want this life. I don't want it.


And I don't like my "boyfriend." I don't enjoy being with him, I don't like his kisses, I don't like his face, I just don't know why I keep being with him.


I hate it.

21 octubre 2012

I miss her.

いつかきっと、話してくれるよね?
someday, you’ll tell me everything, right?
悲しかったこと、辛かったこと、幸せだったこと...全部。
about the sad things, the painful things, the happy things…everything.
いつか、きっと... 
I’m sure, someday

10 octubre 2012

"What do you want actually" (He said...)


People I've lost, If I get them back, will ended fucking me as hell before make me happy.

09 octubre 2012

23 septiembre 2012

Missing you :(





People say She loves her in a crazy way, and that makes her the most stupid person because she´s living the same lie once again, but she keeps loving her in that huge way.



I love you like stupid.



You should be happy babe...

19 septiembre 2012

HBD

She didn't say it.

                                                                                          but I still remember her voice, of one year ago~

12 septiembre 2012

Filled with people that are less important than you.

Love, love, love...what is it good for?
.
.
.



To meet your eyes across 10361.069351818887 kilometers.

09 septiembre 2012

Believe.

I'm in love with her life.

I want to die in her.

How you can love someone that much?


Llevatelo todo y quédate conmigo.


Quiero morir de amor por ti.

31 julio 2012

...hasta las alcachofas tienen corazón.

How to start?

Where?...

The thing is, since I don't like people know this side of me, and I need get out of this depression, I'll write here things I don't want everybody know, I have another blog to the life I want people see, is not a lie, but this is the part, I hide behind that smile.

Is good people doesn't know you at all. You don't have to explain everybody what happens to you, and is better just them knows you as the "funny girl" or whatever.

This is the part of me, maybe the real part.

Since she left me, things not get better, get worse maybe. I got a boyfriend days ago, is a good boy, is cute, is romantic, is... kind of handsome?

I know him since I was... 15 maybe? Nothing really relevant, he just loved me in secret and I knew it, we talked just before I finished my studies in preparatory, nothing more than "Hello" he was a friend of my friend, thats why I met him.
We talked again on Facebook, and the same... nothing relevant, till I invited him to my Uncle´s wedding... and we kissed and everything started... "I deserve a chance" I said to myself.
I like to be with him, is funny... he likes books and museums, things I like... but even he said it "Your heart is like a potato" "I hope someday you get this words in your rock heart" things like that...

I always have been like this, be romantic is not... my type, but I tried some with the red haired, and I loved it... everything was perfect with her, all natural of me, nothing forced.

This is going in a good way with him. Is something new, not something to "replace"

I've modeling in some things, with friends, with people who I don't know but them are so glad that I worked with them, it's funny... I like it.

I go to the hospital with my father, he has cancer, and I thing i'm weak enough to die with him. Hard days come.

I miss her, and sometimes I lose control. Time. Time...

23 junio 2012

No, I'M NOT FINE.







Oh, and my Dad has cancer... and I need you, I fucking need you!

07 junio 2012

He.

“If you want to cry, then cry. Decide by yourself whether you are important or not. Even if other people value you, nobody can do anything for you. Ultimately, it’s your problem so if you live without regrets, then over time I think that your problems would disappear."




— Kyo- (Dir en grey)

27 mayo 2012

I try..

but


I can't...



Sometimes I have a hard feeling (really hard) of calling you, txt you... and pray you come back to my life...

21 mayo 2012

I'm dying

If I touched myself
the way you touched me
If I could hold myself
the way you held me

Then I wouldn't need you
I wouldn't need you
No, I wouldn't need you
to love me

If I could replace
the things you gave me
If I could see my face
without the tragedy

Then I wouldn't need you
I wouldn't need you
No, I wouldn't need you
to love me

But I do
So come back
Come back

If you could see the way I act
When I'm alone
If you could hear my voice crack
over the phone

Then you'd know I need you
You'd know I need you
Oh, you'd know I need you to love me

27 marzo 2012

Time.



Signs floating amidst the wind
Tears shedding, I saw them fall but couldn't understand why
This heartache consumes me
Who'll be able to break it?



Don't cry, don't try to muffle your sobs
One day, yes one of these days,
we'll be able to meet again

Even if no one in this world understands,
it's okay
If you're expecting me
I have kept seeing you as always
Just like this...

The past left as scars
running up and down your arms
Every sin made clear with each mark
Your smile was only in vain,
so tender and brief
I'd never let anyone take you

Even if we were to be reborn
Just like before, just like that day
I'm certain we'll be meeting again

Alone, taken aback in the night
It'll be okay because I'm waiting
Your figure, just like in days past
I can't see it now...
With my eyes closed
touched by your gentle smile...

Even if we are separated
and taken far apart
It's okay because I'm waiting for you

Believing that you and only you
are by my side
Even if no one else in this world understands,
it's okay
If you are expecting me
I have kept seeing you as always
Just like this...
















23 marzo 2012

Bunny Drops

And i'm dying for kiss you once again...

for play with your hands and look into your eyes

you smile

your voice...

your red red red hair...

I miss everything, even when you got mad... was so cute...

I miss you, and i'm dying for be with you again... and hug you... i loved hug you

You always were with me... I was so stupid... I regret all the time I lost with you...

I LOVE YOU

I love you so fucking much!! ♥


We were under the same sky.

20 marzo 2012

Earthquake.


Been a long road to follow

been there and gone tomorrow

without saying goodbye to yesterday

are the memories I hold still valid?

or have the tears deluded them?

maybe this time tomorrow

the rain will cease to follow

and the mist will fade into one more today

something somewhere out there keeps calling

am I going home?

will I hear someone

singing solace to the silent moon?

zero gravity what's it like?

am I alone?

is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet

still the road keeps on telling me to go on

something is pulling me

I feel the gravity of it all
 
(it feels like a funeral, all time)

19 marzo 2012

Monday.

I ran as fast as i could, without breath, without cry because i couldn't breath, and i couldn't breath... beacuse i couldn't cry.


...I stopped till i felt cold and dry my chest, I cried, I tried to understan and don't feel guilt I did all... and i came back at home.


Why I had to fight?

...and him just had to dance?



The wind pushed me softly to home, I couldn't breath again.
I was so bad, since the begining. Never enough.

"If I ever push you away, I don’t really mean to.When I tell you I don’t want to talk about it, I do, and I’m just looking for the right words.Give me a minute and if I can tell you, I will…I get immaturely jealous of anyone who gets to see you on a daily basis.I miss you really easy but I also like that we can be apart and we are both okay. I love the way we love the some of the same things.And I love how we love entirely different things.My head is a complicated pile of thoughts, and fears,and cravings,and dreams,and this tangled up nostalgia for the past and somehow for the future.I’m flawed and I’m human,I’m broken and I’m trying,I’m one person and have two hands and I have one heart and I love you and I’m so glad you are here. ( :♥" - N

11 marzo 2012

Hope.



Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

日本、気を出して頑張ってね。私達はいつも祈ってる。











05 marzo 2012

21:00

All is a bout numbers.

2 times to say it

Only 1 open door

4 times to die ( 4/2= 2 and 1 is the good)

1 thing to make me hate you

1 cm in the border

Scratch 3 times, 7 different places

Count (cars,plants, people blah blah) and divide it into 21

decimals? count again.

School grades: never 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. I don't like odd numbers on my grades, and 8 is really low, 6? PFF never.

(kyo+naya)(DEG)
(3+4)(3)=21

About food; NEVER odd colors, pieces (3 green broccoli 1 orange carrot) gr, lt, plates (we are 5 in the house, i need eat later with my sister in the night, or not eat till only be 4, 2 persons in the house including me, normally are 3 so... )

Step by step, from school at home.

Pair, odd... doesn´t really matter, NUMBERS do.


I N F I N I T E

(maybe changes, but never ends)

08 febrero 2012

Fake




Everyday... i realize how much i hate people, how thay are a bunch of lies, how fucked is all around me, painted in a wonderful way...

and they talk and talk about how wonderful is being there, in the university, in a good one... one of the best... wich obviously... has a bad bad sides and they know it, and they forget it soon...
how all what i dreamed has become in something i fear now, is too complicated...
I waited so much, for a lot of people, of my school... of my "friends" with wich i laugh in class...

but i'm a part of it, i'm still smiling... even inside i'm like hitting in the face of everything i discovered of everyone of them, of course there are good things, like... some teachers...

but i'm sure of something i feared since long time ago, and to my disgrace, is here now, in my mind...

Even being in the right place where i wanted... i feel complete, frustrated, depressed and everything what i feel in almost everywhere.

(And i keep fat and ugly)


27 enero 2012

Forever.

 You and only you♥
Happy 1 year and 10 months *3*

13 enero 2012

RED



‘Cause the morning always comes to kill the dream
You had the night before

Well I’m dragging myself all along the pavement
Up in the sky, there’s someone behind
And he’s guiding my steps
Up and down the life stairs
Helps me thereby leaving again

11 enero 2012

C . a d a e i c

Midnights so dreary, tired and weary,
Silently pondering volumes extolling all by-now obsolete lore.
During my rather long nap - the weirdest tap!
An ominous vibrating sound disturbing my chamber's antedoor.
"This", I whispered quietly, "I ignore".

Perfectly, the intellect remembers: the ghostly fires, a glittering ember.
Inflamed by lightning's outbursts, windows cast penumbras upon this floor.
Sorrowful, as one mistreated, unhappy thoughts I heeded:
That inimitable lesson in elegance - Lenore -
Is delighting, exciting...nevermore.



10 enero 2012

C3

The wind calm down after yesterday's hurricane
I like the wind, I like unconstrained wind
Wind, I am at the center of it
I feel relief


Everytime the sun sets,

Shadows begins to overflow the room
The air start to divide into two
Then divide two into four
It starts to disintegrate

That moment,
Sounds start to wave in my head
From sometime ago, it was like this

I can't remember when

The shadows of those who take in the brightest light is thick
The strong sun attack me again today
Black tears, Bright smile, Colorless me
A world without color

It hurts even without wound

It doesn't hurt even with wound

A wound which couldn't be comforted

A wound which will maybe comforted

 

I sit alone vacantly in darkness room

I hear music in my ears though I didn't turn the music on.