I'm back.

Because she won't listen to me again...

En fin.

Nunca me he sabido explicar porque ciertas experiencias en mi vida, suceden un lunes.

No todas las desgracias de mi vida suceden un lunes, son específicas, son las que recuerdas y arden en el pecho... Además de empapar los ojos de lágrimas.

"En fin" me digo... Como resignación a lo que pasó, porque no se remedia, no se cura, no se alivia, tan sólo se queda, como una espinita filosa en la piel, como arde... Y ya ni la ves... 

Como de esas lágrimas que brotan y brotan, que a penas y resbalan de tu mejilla, solo caen, apenas humedecen, parpadeas y salen miles. Así lloro los lunes. 

"Quiero comprar algo" se me viene a la mente. Llenar aquellos hoyos en los que la gente que viene y se va, cavaron muy hondo. 

"La gente es muy floja para ver" decía otro día. Pues nunca ve, más allá de lo que "tiene que ver" las coincidencias no existen, gente estúpida. 

Me he quedado sin mi protector de las noches obscuras. Mi gato, mi amor.

Por más que busque quien nos controla, quien pone estratégicamente aquellos anuncios en mis páginas web, a quien me mira por chat y no es necesariamente mi contacto, a quien predice mis movimientos bancarios o intelectuales... A todas esas cosas ocultas para nuestro bien, y ese quien libera información de apoco para que no estallemos en la locura, que no existe ni izquierda ni derecha, que no hay libertad en ningún sentido y que aquellos que vinieran de otro mundo puede ser un futuro... Y aún así me entere de todo por simple azar. La vida, no deja de ser absurda. 

Así, suele ser. 

I miss a girl in my life.

day...

In cold light of morning while everyone is yawning
You're high
In the cold light of morning the party gets boring, you're high 
As your skin starts to scratch and wave yesterdays action goodbye

Forget past indiscretions
And stolen possessions

Tomorrow

As your skin starts to scratch
And wave yesterdays action goodbye




In the cold light of day...

What a very good soup.

...


Es preciso puntualizar, que... todo va de la mierda.

Mi sonrisa es muy grande cuando me hablas, gracias.

Yo quería esta aquí, yo quería hacerlo aquí... yo quería, me quiero ir.

Un cuerpo desgastado.

I miss starve myself.

Air.

Material things is only what it worth.
I wanna be an empty bitch with golden jewelry.

Thin.

Should I starve?...

Once again you are eating more than you should.

And then I sigh...

Bored, and tired.

What are you waiting for?...

too...

• Me siento como en una lucha de box, completamente noqueada, pero con el deber de vencer. Sin fuerza para seguir y aún no termina el round.

  
  

  Estoy agotada para pelear...

  
  

  " incapacitado para levantarse..., ya sea por causa de la fatiga y o porque los daños que ha sufrido"

  
  

  ...

  
  

  ...

  
  

  ...

  
  

  Débil.

  
  

REAL

The only truth is that I'M THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD

I like talk shits about other persons.

I like Judge...

I like hate some...

I like be free without responsability of it...

I like have no enough ethic

I like to be a bad girl

I like to hurt

I like cheat

I like give a fuck...

I like to see blood and some kind of violence

I'm intolerant...

I'm a lier...

I'm a libertine...

I'm a shit...

The thing is... I'm not happy trying to be good...

HOT HEART.

I guess I'm mad...

like...

You know?... You give a lot for them and suddenly they don't like you...
.
.
.
.
"You changed"



Suddenly yeah you both don't need me and ignore me and act like don't know me, you can't even say "HELLO?"


JA...

But you know...

Goodbye goodbye...

Fuck off the "good times".

I CAN GIVE A SHIT TOO.

I was born.

Sometimes I ask myself if it worth it...

I say to myself "You will get out of this" "Calm down" "You can do it" ..."Is just people" ... just people...

Empty...

I've never feel that alone as I feel right now... never.
I've never wanted to die so many times as I want right now.

And I've never feel this depression so longer and deep and hard and all that can be.

You can't help people with depression, is not that you make them laugh once and all is over, is not that you talk and all is over...

There's no cure. I don't know what the fuck I'm waiting for...

Terrible angry all time, terrible sad, terrible stupid and terrible loosing people.

Yeah keep doing that... I'm going to die alone.

WHAT I'M WAITING FOR?

LOOSING WEIGHT?
GETTING HEIGHT????

JUST KEEP PRETENDING ALL WILL BE OK...

ALL SHOULD BE OK SOON... THAT'S LIFE, A FUCKING TRAP TO GET A BETTER PERSON ISN'T IT???

There's no second chances.

Noone loves me and I don't know how to love.


I just want to have peace in my mind, in my body... and just be... like others do. Just live.

But I can't, I don't know how to...

I should do it. Just keep going... becasuse somehow nobody cares.

Soy un producto chino. Desechable. En cualquier situación. Y ya no puedo más.

Future.

Pale white and black with false citrine imperfect white and red. The peacock 's feather in bright colours, the rainbow in the sky above. The spotted panther, the green lion the crow's beak blue as lead. These shall appear before you in perfect white, with many others. After the perfect white follows the grey and false citrine also. And after these shall appear the substance invariable, Then you'll can changed everything.

Kids.

My heart is sad, lonely and empty, without you my kids...I'll love you always. I don't know how make it beat  without your smile.

Frustrated dreams.

Sometimes, I get the feeling...

Of hurry up

And kill myself 

 

Right now...

I get so

Desperate... 

Sad sad sad sad sad...

Nothing more.

Go.

Sometimes I just want to run away... left behind A L L

left home

left people

LEFT SCHOOL...

just go and be ME, be free and happy... no worries... no overthinking... no people... no envy...

no more ...

I really want to run and left behind everything.