Future.

Pale white and black with false citrine imperfect white and red. The peacock 's feather in bright colours, the rainbow in the sky above. The spotted panther, the green lion the crow's beak blue as lead. These shall appear before you in perfect white, with many others. After the perfect white follows the grey and false citrine also. And after these shall appear the substance invariable, Then you'll can changed everything.

Kids.

My heart is sad, lonely and empty, without you my kids...I'll love you always. I don't know how make it beat  without your smile.

Frustrated dreams.

Sometimes, I get the feeling...

Of hurry up

And kill myself 

 

Right now...

I get so

Desperate... 

Sad sad sad sad sad...

Nothing more.

Go.

Sometimes I just want to run away... left behind A L L

left home

left people

LEFT SCHOOL...

just go and be ME, be free and happy... no worries... no overthinking... no people... no envy...

no more ...

I really want to run and left behind everything.

All.

Like to do nothing...

Like getting nothing...

Like giving nothing...

Like be nothing...

Like...

Sometimes I get so dwn... so so down... everything goes too slow, the time, my actions... all...
the school is being so shit and boring and I'm fucking worried about it...
I'm so excited this time, I go to a Pediatric hospital this time, and is fucking delicated... children... babies... sick babies... and I'm not feeling sure about what I know, I have to work harder... because, yeah... I guess I love kids... specially them.

I hope I get high.

R.E.D.

I DIE INSIDE HER

Mojitos.

I went to my friend Saku and her roomie to drink...

Eat... Bar to bar...

Then direct to school, no sleeping at all.

Ahh, time to time I realize I can't talk with her, or someone else...

Write here is all I have to do, I don't care if someone's read, I just want to tell... Now write...

I don't need someone understand, I don't need someone tell me things to font give up, I just want to tell it, that's all...

No one has the obligation to tell me something to comfort or whateva until I ask for...

I was almost falling asleep at the bars... I was fucking fucking tired, and a guy wanted to dance with me, I was like pushing him away "no, I'm tired" "I'm tired" "I'm tired" "I'm fucking tired"

I didn't get drunk...
Kind of dizzy, not drunk... I don't like it...

I couldn't control my moves at 6 am, not drunk... Really...
Just like weird...


Yeah WEIRD...

I heard Placebo at 4 am... So loud, so hurtful... I miss the time.

Thinking that if I died ( Daniel was driving drunk and sooooo fast) it was ok... Fine... Just that...

I thought of Naya...

I miss her...

Yeah so...

Life is fucking weird...

Beat.

I've this feeling since two days ago.
Anxiety
FAST AND LOW HEART BEATING
Tiredness
And a extreme depression.

...this morning my heart is like... Working harder to beat.
That means there's a lot of adrenaline.
I'm producing adrenaline, it happens when you have to "run away" like an advice you are in danger...
When you heart stops to beat, doctors inject you adrenaline to make it beat.

I'm secreting adrenaline, and yeah since yesterday I have the feeling of "run away" and never ever come back... To nothing, to no one.

Could it be...? My heart is giving up... It doesn't wants to beat anymore?

Why I getting even more depressed?

Hold on. Hold on.

Nausea.

School started, and I get so fucking bored suddenly...

So miserable, isn't it?

Lentejas.

Consequences.

¿Sabes que es lo curioso de esto?

Que desde que rompimos, ya no me importa con quien me peleo, a quien le grito... con quien estoy bien o con quien estoy mal, ya no me importa quien se va o quien se queda...

Hago y digo cosas estúpidas...
... y me recuerdo que te dije que te fueras...
y recuerdo cuanto te amo y cuanto deseo que vuelvas...
...me vuelvo a recordar... que te dije que te fueras...

porque ya contigo o sin ti... ya no me importaban las cosas

Claro que esta trayendo consecuencias.

Pero no reacciono...

End.

Es que ya no me importa...

ya no me importa mucho todo...

Hace poco terminé con mi novio, me siento mejor. Pobre...

Naya me escribió justo cuando estaba en la segunda sesión de mi tatuaje, y curioso escuchaba "The Final" ...y se acabó, aún me duele en el alma, haber terminado todo esto con ella, pero ya no podía más, ya no podía más estar atada a ella, la amo aún, como la he amado siempre, pero ya no había más para ambas... ya no...

Bien, creo, que es muy mio el motivo por el cual me hice este tatuaje. Quedó un poco extraño por el diseño que saqué, pero... no lo sé, como que no me importa, es que me gusta mucho, lo amo y estoy muy orgullosa, le agradezco bastante a Moz por hacerlo, y por sus palabras de esa noche, lo haré, me daré mi lugar.

Me siento...abandonada, pero poco me importa que se queden, es como una enorme apatía a la "lealtad" de la gente. 

Me siento cansada... harta un poco... decepcionada bastante.

Estoy perdida y hundida entre sentimientos que no son míos, he olvidado mucho de mi y lo que yo era, me quiero de regreso. Al menos era yo, miserable pero yo... ahora no sé que soy yo, que partes de mi si son y que partes me han tomado. 

Perdóname Naya, te amo. 

Tu

mi ultima promesa

fuiste tu

y fue para ti...

Rage Girl.

Yes, I'm angry, because she thinks I'll be here for her an eternity, and is true.

I saw born too many children. They are so little, so afraid... unprotected...

Why? Why? Why? (That's our word, Haku's and mine)

I'm so tired, so tired, I want to sleep and sleep and sleep... but it's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix.

I don't want this life. I don't want it.

And I don't like my "boyfriend." I don't enjoy being with him, I don't like his kisses, I don't like his face, I just don't know why I keep being with him.

I hate it.

I miss her.

いつかきっと、話してくれるよね？
someday, you’ll tell me everything, right?
悲しかったこと、辛かったこと、幸せだったこと．．．全部。
about the sad things, the painful things, the happy things…everything.
いつか、きっと．．． 
I’m sure, someday