too...

• Me siento como en una lucha de box, completamente noqueada, pero con el deber de vencer. Sin fuerza para seguir y aún no termina el round.

  
  

  Estoy agotada para pelear...

  
  

  " incapacitado para levantarse..., ya sea por causa de la fatiga y o porque los daños que ha sufrido"

  
  

  ...

  
  

  ...

  
  

  ...

  
  

  Débil.

  
  

REAL

The only truth is that I'M THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD

I like talk shits about other persons.

I like Judge...

I like hate some...

I like be free without responsability of it...

I like have no enough ethic

I like to be a bad girl

I like to hurt

I like cheat

I like give a fuck...

I like to see blood and some kind of violence

I'm intolerant...

I'm a lier...

I'm a libertine...

I'm a shit...

The thing is... I'm not happy trying to be good...

HOT HEART.

I guess I'm mad...

like...

You know?... You give a lot for them and suddenly they don't like you...
.
.
.
.
"You changed"



Suddenly yeah you both don't need me and ignore me and act like don't know me, you can't even say "HELLO?"


JA...

But you know...

Goodbye goodbye...

Fuck off the "good times".

I CAN GIVE A SHIT TOO.

I was born.

Sometimes I ask myself if it worth it...

I say to myself "You will get out of this" "Calm down" "You can do it" ..."Is just people" ... just people...

Empty...

I've never feel that alone as I feel right now... never.
I've never wanted to die so many times as I want right now.

And I've never feel this depression so longer and deep and hard and all that can be.

You can't help people with depression, is not that you make them laugh once and all is over, is not that you talk and all is over...

There's no cure. I don't know what the fuck I'm waiting for...

Terrible angry all time, terrible sad, terrible stupid and terrible loosing people.

Yeah keep doing that... I'm going to die alone.

WHAT I'M WAITING FOR?

LOOSING WEIGHT?
GETTING HEIGHT????

JUST KEEP PRETENDING ALL WILL BE OK...

ALL SHOULD BE OK SOON... THAT'S LIFE, A FUCKING TRAP TO GET A BETTER PERSON ISN'T IT???

There's no second chances.

Noone loves me and I don't know how to love.


I just want to have peace in my mind, in my body... and just be... like others do. Just live.

But I can't, I don't know how to...

I should do it. Just keep going... becasuse somehow nobody cares.

Soy un producto chino. Desechable. En cualquier situación. Y ya no puedo más.

Future.

Pale white and black with false citrine imperfect white and red. The peacock 's feather in bright colours, the rainbow in the sky above. The spotted panther, the green lion the crow's beak blue as lead. These shall appear before you in perfect white, with many others. After the perfect white follows the grey and false citrine also. And after these shall appear the substance invariable, Then you'll can changed everything.

Kids.

My heart is sad, lonely and empty, without you my kids...I'll love you always. I don't know how make it beat  without your smile.

Frustrated dreams.

Sometimes, I get the feeling...

Of hurry up

And kill myself 

 

Right now...

I get so

Desperate... 

Sad sad sad sad sad...

Nothing more.

Go.

Sometimes I just want to run away... left behind A L L

left home

left people

LEFT SCHOOL...

just go and be ME, be free and happy... no worries... no overthinking... no people... no envy...

no more ...

I really want to run and left behind everything.

All.

Like to do nothing...

Like getting nothing...

Like giving nothing...

Like be nothing...

Like...

Sometimes I get so dwn... so so down... everything goes too slow, the time, my actions... all...
the school is being so shit and boring and I'm fucking worried about it...
I'm so excited this time, I go to a Pediatric hospital this time, and is fucking delicated... children... babies... sick babies... and I'm not feeling sure about what I know, I have to work harder... because, yeah... I guess I love kids... specially them.

I hope I get high.

R.E.D.

I DIE INSIDE HER

Mojitos.

I went to my friend Saku and her roomie to drink...

Eat... Bar to bar...

Then direct to school, no sleeping at all.

Ahh, time to time I realize I can't talk with her, or someone else...

Write here is all I have to do, I don't care if someone's read, I just want to tell... Now write...

I don't need someone understand, I don't need someone tell me things to font give up, I just want to tell it, that's all...

No one has the obligation to tell me something to comfort or whateva until I ask for...

I was almost falling asleep at the bars... I was fucking fucking tired, and a guy wanted to dance with me, I was like pushing him away "no, I'm tired" "I'm tired" "I'm tired" "I'm fucking tired"

I didn't get drunk...
Kind of dizzy, not drunk... I don't like it...

I couldn't control my moves at 6 am, not drunk... Really...
Just like weird...


Yeah WEIRD...

I heard Placebo at 4 am... So loud, so hurtful... I miss the time.

Thinking that if I died ( Daniel was driving drunk and sooooo fast) it was ok... Fine... Just that...

I thought of Naya...

I miss her...

Yeah so...

Life is fucking weird...

Beat.

I've this feeling since two days ago.
Anxiety
FAST AND LOW HEART BEATING
Tiredness
And a extreme depression.

...this morning my heart is like... Working harder to beat.
That means there's a lot of adrenaline.
I'm producing adrenaline, it happens when you have to "run away" like an advice you are in danger...
When you heart stops to beat, doctors inject you adrenaline to make it beat.

I'm secreting adrenaline, and yeah since yesterday I have the feeling of "run away" and never ever come back... To nothing, to no one.

Could it be...? My heart is giving up... It doesn't wants to beat anymore?

Why I getting even more depressed?

Hold on. Hold on.

Nausea.

School started, and I get so fucking bored suddenly...

So miserable, isn't it?

Lentejas.