No, I'M NOT FINE.

Oh, and my Dad has cancer... and I need you, I fucking need you!

He.

“If you want to cry, then cry. Decide by yourself whether you are important or not. Even if other people value you, nobody can do anything for you. Ultimately, it’s your problem so if you live without regrets, then over time I think that your problems would disappear."




— Kyo- (Dir en grey)

I try..

but


I can't...



Sometimes I have a hard feeling (really hard) of calling you, txt you... and pray you come back to my life...

I'm dying

If I touched myself
the way you touched me
If I could hold myself
the way you held me

Then I wouldn't need you
I wouldn't need you
No, I wouldn't need you
to love me

If I could replace
the things you gave me
If I could see my face
without the tragedy

Then I wouldn't need you
I wouldn't need you
No, I wouldn't need you
to love me

But I do
So come back
Come back

If you could see the way I act
When I'm alone
If you could hear my voice crack
over the phone

Then you'd know I need you
You'd know I need you
Oh, you'd know I need you to love me

I can't handle this depression.

Time.

Signs floating amidst the wind

Tears shedding, I saw them fall but couldn't understand why

This heartache consumes me

Who'll be able to break it?

Don't cry, don't try to muffle your sobs

One day, yes one of these days,

we'll be able to meet again

Even if no one in this world understands,

it's okay

If you're expecting me

I have kept seeing you as always

Just like this...

The past left as scars
running up and down your arms

Every sin made clear with each mark

Your smile was only in vain,

so tender and brief

I'd never let anyone take you

Even if we were to be reborn

Just like before, just like that day

I'm certain we'll be meeting again

Alone, taken aback in the night

It'll be okay because I'm waiting
Your figure, just like in days past

I can't see it now...

With my eyes closed

touched by your gentle smile...

Even if we are separated

and taken far apart

It's okay because I'm waiting for you

Believing that you and only you

are by my side

Even if no one else in this world understands,

it's okay

If you are expecting me

I have kept seeing you as always

Just like this...

Bunny Drops

And i'm dying for kiss you once again...

for play with your hands and look into your eyes

you smile

your voice...

your red red red hair...

I miss everything, even when you got mad... was so cute...

I miss you, and i'm dying for be with you again... and hug you... i loved hug you

You always were with me... I was so stupid... I regret all the time I lost with you...

I LOVE YOU

I love you so fucking much!! ♥

We were under the same sky.

Slowly... slowly...

Breath slowly...

Earthquake.

Been a long road to follow

been there and gone tomorrow

without saying goodbye to yesterday

are the memories I hold still valid?

or have the tears deluded them?

maybe this time tomorrow

the rain will cease to follow

and the mist will fade into one more today

something somewhere out there keeps calling

am I going home?

will I hear someone

singing solace to the silent moon?

zero gravity what's it like?

am I alone?

is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet

still the road keeps on telling me to go on

something is pulling me

I feel the gravity of it all

 

(it feels like a funeral, all time)

Monday.

I ran as fast as i could, without breath, without cry because i couldn't breath, and i couldn't breath... beacuse i couldn't cry.


...I stopped till i felt cold and dry my chest, I cried, I tried to understan and don't feel guilt I did all... and i came back at home.


Why I had to fight?

...and him just had to dance?



The wind pushed me softly to home, I couldn't breath again.
I was so bad, since the begining. Never enough.

"If I ever push you away, I don’t really mean to.When I tell you I don’t want to talk about it, I do, and I’m just looking for the right words.Give me a minute and if I can tell you, I will…I get immaturely jealous of anyone who gets to see you on a daily basis.I miss you really easy but I also like that we can be apart and we are both okay. I love the way we love the some of the same things.And I love how we love entirely different things.My head is a complicated pile of thoughts, and fears,and cravings,and dreams,and this tangled up nostalgia for the past and somehow for the future.I’m flawed and I’m human,I’m broken and I’m trying,I’m one person and have two hands and I have one heart and I love you and I’m so glad you are here. ( :♥" - N

I miss you.

Hope.

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

日本、気を出して頑張ってね。私達はいつも祈ってる。

21:00

All is a bout numbers.

2 times to say it

Only 1 open door

4 times to die ( 4/2= 2 and 1 is the good)

1 thing to make me hate you

1 cm in the border

Scratch 3 times, 7 different places

Count (cars,plants, people blah blah) and divide it into 21

decimals? count again.

School grades: never 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. I don't like odd numbers on my grades, and 8 is really low, 6? PFF never.

(kyo+naya)(DEG)
(3+4)(3)=21

About food; NEVER odd colors, pieces (3 green broccoli 1 orange carrot) gr, lt, plates (we are 5 in the house, i need eat later with my sister in the night, or not eat till only be 4, 2 persons in the house including me, normally are 3 so... )

Step by step, from school at home.

Pair, odd... doesn´t really matter, NUMBERS do.

I N F I N I T E

(maybe changes, but never ends)

Black eyed

Fake

Everyday... i realize how much i hate people, how thay are a bunch of lies, how fucked is all around me, painted in a wonderful way...

and they talk and talk about how wonderful is being there, in the university, in a good one... one of the best... wich obviously... has a bad bad sides and they know it, and they forget it soon...
how all what i dreamed has become in something i fear now, is too complicated...
I waited so much, for a lot of people, of my school... of my "friends" with wich i laugh in class...

but i'm a part of it, i'm still smiling... even inside i'm like hitting in the face of everything i discovered of everyone of them, of course there are good things, like... some teachers...

but i'm sure of something i feared since long time ago, and to my disgrace, is here now, in my mind...

Even being in the right place where i wanted... i feel complete, frustrated, depressed and everything what i feel in almost everywhere.

(And i keep fat and ugly)